Undone.

Not finished.

Incomplete.

Every new year, I get to January and look at the previous years, and my thoughts are about what else I could have, should have, and may have done. Could I have finished one more project, worked an extra hour, learned more, improved myself…

That never-enough-thinking can cause a lot of stress, disappointment, and even shame. These are not things I am called to. I am called, as a son of the King, a follower of Christ, to look forward. I can look back on what the Lord has done for me and what he has allowed me to do in the kingdom of God. It is good to see the work of God in my life. 

So, what did I get done this year? What did we get done? What has the ministry God allowed us to be part of done?  To be fair, more than I can remember. God allows us to have simple, beautiful conversations with broken people, people who are seeking love, seeking God.  Sometimes the conversations are hard. They might start with – hey, are you ok? The answers might be yes, might be no, might be “I’m just looking for a place for my dog, so I can drive into the front of a semi.” Conversations can be hard, people looking for hope, people looking for help. Sometimes the help is difficult, it might stretch our capacity, it might take more time than we had intended, it might cost money, it might hurt. 

Late this summer, I met a guy named Jaime (Hi-Me) a Hispanic man, about 40 years old. Jaime had had a tough life. He had been raised without a mother, abandoned to his grandmother when he was 8 when his father married, and shot by the cops running drugs when he was 19, but had got out of the penitentiary, found good employment, was eventually married, had some kids, and then… his wife left, his grandmother died, and he spiraled, auguring into drug and alcohol abuse, no care for himself, lost jobs, lost hope, and a mental health crisis. Jaime showed up in front of Fallout’s home base, with his blue healer Daisy. Jaime was a mess. Dirty, sick, brokenhearted, he was hungry, hurt, and lost. I invited him in, and he asked for water for the dog, I found him some food and water, and let him sleep on the couch in the front room. After a while, I was able to speak to him, found out he was looking for a place to leave Daisy. When I asked why, he told me that he wanted to drive into the front of a semi, to stop the pain. We had the conversation about hope, about Jesus, about not hurting others… Jaime agreed he didn’t really want to die, he was just without hope.  

 We were able to help Jaime, got him a hotel room for a night, and then another ministry got him one for the next night. Jaime was ok with camping, so we bought a week of campsite, provided a sleeping bag and tent, and Jaime spent the next two weeks camping. We helped sort his health care, vehicle registration, medicare, and more. Jaime moved into the front of Fallout, in our incomplete emergency housing. He stayed for several weeks. We found a job, he found an apartment, and he prepared to move out of Fallout. I helped him load things, he used our trailer, and then, as quick as he appeared, he was gone. He never went to work. I don’t know if he ever got his apartment or not. We messaged, called, received his mail, and messaged more.  After a couple of months, we got a call from another agency who had received a call that Jaime was deceased.  

So the question lingers. Was our work with Jaime completed as God would have it, or was there something else we should have done? I hope that he succumbed to his illnesses, I pray he didn’t cheat his way out. 

So as I look at this coming year, the bold new year 2025 where no one has gone before, will I wonder if I did enough? Did I complete the good things that God prepared for me-  For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph 2:10) 

 I know each year I get better at working in God’s kingdom, through the work of the Holy Spirit. Growing, Sanctified, and set apart from this world for God’s purpose. Each year… I hope I have enough years to do the work God prepared for me to do. But I know that I am covered by grace, and it’s not my work that allows me to have a place in the eternal kingdom.  I know that I am judged by the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

I also need to realistically judge where I was, compared to where I am to see if I am growing. This giant building has reminded me of that. I was looking at pictures of when we got the building, compared to now. The changes are dramatic. But it doesn’t seem that different to me. Each piece that is improved, moved, repaired, restored changes the building. It is in a literal process of sanctification. So, moving into this building has been a huge leap of faith. We didn’t have the money. We had faith that this was God’s will for the ministry he planted with us, this ministry of reconciliation, was to have a home base in downtown Watertown. With each Jaime that walks into the building, that finds us, drawn here, led here, guided here by God, we see God’s purpose exposed, the poor, the broken-hearted, the lost, the hungry, ‘the least of these’ show up. They show up and I don’t have the right words, or the right ability, but the Holy Spirit has had all of the words and ability when I work in his will. 

So, all of this ministry work, all of these projects, all undone. Incomplete. But they are being perfected in God’s time. Just like you – when you ask him to, when you put all of your faith in Him. God is awesome, fearful, holy- beyond my comprehension. But he still takes time for me, for Jaime, for you. Even when we have to cry out:

Adonai, have mercy on me, because I have nothing to bring.